The Great Toilet Paper Caper

April 7, 2020

This week has sucked. Not because of COVID-19 but because of the full moon. My hot flashes have been ferocious and the insomnia insane. As usual my first thought is that this will be the last month of suffering. The hot flashes are doing one last push and then my body will succumb gracefully into aging. This is an insane thought and at 1:00a I am googling away re-learning that it is highly likely that I will have to deal with hot flashes for nine to ten years total which means perhaps six more years. I can’t bear the thought.

I find myself wondering why my hot flashes seem worse right now. The weather hasn’t turned abysmally hot yet. And then it hits me, stress. While on the surface I don’t think I am freaking out over our current pandemic there are thready undercurrents flowing beneath.

Mostly I am unhappy because so much is unknown. I can’t visualize the future. The lack of control has me stressed. Problem identified. Now what to do about it?

I come up with two plans. I still have almost 90 days worth of a low-dose anti-depressant shown to help some women with hot flashes. I only took it a few days because it made me very nauseous. I decide to try again, this time eating a few crackers when I take it and going a whole week (at least) to see if my body adapts.

And the second plan? Our stores are pretty well stocked. I have enough allergy meds and such that I am not worried about running out. The only item I am worried about is toilet paper. Back in mid-March I bought our usual 12 pack right before the insanity started. Before I knew anything was really going on, just my normal purchase. And when the toilet paper disappeared from shelves I wasn’t worried. I thought that by the time I needed to buy more the world would be back to normal.

But it is almost a month later and I haven’t seen a roll of toilet paper on the shelves in the last three weeks. Now, I am not the type of person who wants to start going from store to store on a tp hunt. My observation is if you find toilet paper (or paper towels etc) it is pure luck. You just happen to be in the store when they bring out a batch. I find myself wondering if I am willing to chance it and simply wait and hope the stores are re-supplied by the time we are down to our last roll or two.

It seems risky. I mean the shelves are empty all across the country. We have no idea if or when a total lockdown may start. What if my spouse brings the virus home from work and we have to self-quarantine for two weeks? I can picture life without toilet paper and it isn’t pretty. Is there anything I can do about this? Maybe.

I read an article on-line about the toilet paper shortage and they recommend checking restaurant supply stores. Hmmm. Makes sense. Restaurants are probably buying less toilet paper with no inside dining. So I go on-line to a place in Tennessee. It says toilet paper is in-stock. I can buy a case of 96 rolls. I try and visualize 96 rolls of toilet paper and my imagination fails me. Where would we store it all?

Most of me says just buy it before it disappears but a small section of my mind says let’s just think about this for a minute. And I do. And 96 rolls wins out over zero rolls easily. I can share, I can donate, I can store it in the empty suitcases in the garage. (It’s not like we are going anywhere this summer!) I place the order, and then I wait.

I get the confirmation e-mail but 24 hours later I still don’t have a processing or shipping e-mail. Uh-oh. I check the website, standard toilet paper is no longer in-stock. Was I too late?

I tell myself to be patient and give it a few days, they were probably inundated with orders. And so I wait.

April 13, 2020

First the good news. I am able to take the anti-depressant with a few crackers and it seems to be working. My hot flashes are fewer and much, much less intense. But this being the post full moon period of the month the hot flashes are usually on the wane anyway. The real test will be the first week of May right before the full moon. But at least I have hope.

As for the toilet paper? I never did receive another e-mail as to status but I did figure out how to check the order status on-line through their website. The first time I checked it said it was on back order until 5/31. I decide I can live with this. I really want a stash for later in the year when/if a second wave hits. At the end of the week I check the status again and now it says nothing. I contact the company to make sure they didn’t cancel the order. They haven’t but now they are thinking 8 to 10 weeks before they get re-supplied. I am going to remain optimistic on the toilet paper front. What else can I do?

For now I am sticking to my normal routine as much as possible. I do my yoga, shower, meditate. I fast between 4:00p and 10:00a most days, or at least close to that window. I try and keep busy but I also try and cut myself some slack. I have promised myself that if I get to a point where I really don’t want to do anything I can have 24 hours off. The most important thing for me to remember is to just take things one day at a time.

Stay Safe!

And So it Goes

We are at the end of our second full week of being home. If I had to pick one word I would pick miserable. How can staying home make one so unhappy? Part of the problem is the time of the month, or more accurately the phase of the moon. In another week the moon will be on the wane and my coping skills returning. But in the meantime…

Home schooling is a nightmare. Screen time has been a battle for years and now to have to deal with my son being on the computer ALL DAY? Just shoot me now. The first day I set him up at the dining room table. He strategically chose a seat where I couldn’t easily see the screen. He put his headphones on. I assumed he was goofing off some but at the end of the week when I checked google classroom he had done nothing except History. And you know why he did History? Because one day I sat at the table with him to finish our taxes so he knew he needed to do real work. Apparently he spent most of the week researching a new gaming mouse and mousepad and watching youtube videos (and not the one’s from his math teacher).

So for week two I had him sitting in a different chair, banished the headphones and we went over google classroom before and after school each day. I sat at the table with him for at least part of each day and made sure I frequently checked his screen. I hated it. He hated it. I just want him to be responsible, show some integrity and give a shit about his own future. He’s only 12 so I am not sure if I am allowed to just let him fail or do I have to wait until he is older and has a better grasp of the consequences?

I am taking an on-line class on the science of well-being taught at Yale. (Auditing so it is free.) My son and I both took a test showing us our 24 strengths, from greatest to weakest. My number one: honesty. His number twenty-four: honesty. I think I see the problem. What I don’t see is how week three is going to unfold. Moving on…

I watched Collection 6 of The Great British Baking Show on Netflix. Not my favorite, too many weird challenges and way too much crying. And what was up with all the handshakes? Once Dave and Jon left I found myself wondering why I was still watching.

Frustrated with my lack of Census work. I was supposed to be done mid-April. I am afraid that by the time we resume it will be screaming hot. Please, just go on-line and do the darn thing!

Why am I the only person in the house who can refill the water pitcher?

Every day I get up around the same time, do my yoga, shower and get dressed. I have a small whiteboard where I list my tasks for the day. On Friday (today) I walked down to the ATM to get money and then ducked in the grocery store for some fresh produce. A little over two miles roundtrip. I came home and paid bills and mopped the kitchen floor. At 3:00p I found myself wondering if I could go back to bed. Well of course I could, but should I? It was tempting. But I have decided to try and hold out until dark (say 7:00p). I’ll finish this post, work on a needlepoint project or color. Watch something maybe.

I miss baseball.

Take care and stay safe!

Common Sense in Uncommon Times

I know I have said this before and used the same picture* but I really feel it can’t be said enough these days, COMMON SENSE people! It is taking me a few days to wrap my head around this new “normal”. I find myself feeling rather anxious which is atypical for me. I am trying to puzzle out why.

Maybe because I have the responsibility for a child? Part of me is happy he is home safe with me and part of me worries that we will be screaming at each other before the week is out. Putting a woman at the tail end of menopause with a boy on the cusp of puberty seems like way too many hormones in a confined space.

Since we are both on a bowling hiatus I figured we could do some Wii bowling. He kicked my butt all three games!

I think the more likely cause of my anxiety is simply the unknown. How long will this last? Will we get locked-down? How many people will actually get sick? Will anyone I know get sick? Will I be able to buy toilet paper (or whatever it is I run out of first) when the time comes? How long will the repercussions last?

Ah, how long will all this last? Will school resume? When will shelves get re-stocked? Stores re-open?

Will this end up changing our lives permanently in any way? Think about how things have changed since 9/11. All the changes to security. Will the impacts from COVID-19 eventually lead to major changes concerning health issues?

As you can see I don’t have any answers, only questions. In time all these questions will be answered. And in the meantime the answer to dealing with my anxiety was staring me right in the face:

My word for the year is “EMBRACE TODAY”. Duh, I need to stop worrying about a tomorrow I can’t control and enjoy what I have today:

• no sick family members
• sloppy joes, french fries and peas planned for dinner
• books to read (I just started “Olive Kitteridge”!)
• internet access to all my blog and Facebook friends
• lovely weather
• a freshly washed dog
• Netflix, TCM and “Poirot” to watch
• a clean, comfortable bed to sleep in

My list could go on and on but you get the idea. Stay safe and encourage:

*Picture is from an e-mail from the Vermont Country Store

Photo Friday: Spring

So I had this great idea to go over to Sabino Canyon on the first day of spring and look for flowers in bloom. When I woke up it was raining. So I thought, I’ll just go this afternoon. And then afternoon came and what I really wanted to do was sit on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watch a movie.

But I did take some pictures around my backyard earlier in the day when the weather was still looking iffy. And there is a very good chance I’ll have time in the next week to go on the hunt in the wild for spring blooms.

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  Sour orange tree

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  Lemon tree.

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  Newly planted pansies.

No buds on the chrysanthemum yet but we’ll get one more bloom before the heat sets in.

Clouds are moving east.

I finished coloring this so apt picture.

This is from an e-mail the Vermont Country Store sent out. I have adopted this as my motto for the pandemic.

Keep your focus!

Hey There

UPDATE:

3/18 2:00P MOUNTAIN TIME

Just got the word, Census is shut down until further notice. Sigh. *********************************************************************

I just wanted to say I won’t be around much for the next 3 weeks as I am working for the census once again. My job has been modified slightly so I don’t have any contact with people. (We are leaving questionnaires on doors in areas where there is an issue with the mailing addresses.)

I confess I haven’t paid much attention to what is going on with the virus until recently. I was bummed when they cancelled basketball but still unconcerned. I was shocked to discover empty shelves at the commissary. But when they closed the libraries? That really brought it home.

I find it ironic that me, the stay at home girl, is now out and about while everyone else hunkers down. But it is just a few weeks.

How appropriate is this? I started coloring it before things got crazy.

Hello There!

I feel like I haven’t written a real blog post in forever! What has been going on? Well, my son’s First Lego League team went to the State tournament so as the Parent- Mentor I was busy getting them ready. For the first time they won an award, “Most Innovative Solution”. My son has been in the league three years and has gone to the state level every year but this was the first time they won an award at either the regional or state level, so kind of a big deal.

Then I got sick, of course, after spending so much time around germ carrying kids. So no photo Fridays as I haven’t felt much like hiking.

We got the exterior of the house painted and had gutters and rain barrels installed. No, I didn’t have to do the work myself but I had to make decisions and pick colors and write checks and deal with the workers.

Then my son had bowling and he entered the city tournament which means he had to bowl three games on Saturday in the team event and six games on Sunday for singles and doubles. He bowled decent but probably not good enough to advance to the next level. After bowling each day we went out to eat and ran some errands.

And then there was my own bowling drama. I agreed to be the Vice-President because they usually don’t have to do anything. Ha! The President ended up hurting her leg and having surgery and while she was out we had a league member quit without notice and behind in her fees so guess who had to deal with that? Yeah, fun stuff.

On the positive side I have been hard at work on the A to Z challenge in April. I have all my posts written and am now finding photos and setting up the posts in WordPress.

I also surprised myself by finishing digitally organizing all my photos from 2019. One evening while watching the Heat game (basketball for those unfamiliar) I decided to do a month or two and poof, I finished.

Next week we are going camping over rodeo break. Rodeo break is a local thing and we love having a few days off to get out of town even though we could care less about a rodeo, you know because we are city slickers (currently living in a city, a large city at that, so yeah we think rodeo break is weird). But hello Pacific Ocean!

So I suppose I haven’t written much because I have been too busy living my life. Yeah for me!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Now I am off to bake a chocolate oatmeal cake. (Oatmeal because then I can eat the leftovers for breakfast without any guilt 🙂 ).

Happy Holidays!

I hope you are somewhere you love today!

I am pretty sure cookies can be loved by all, and yes those are cacti gingerbread cookies.

No matter what you celebrate:

Happy Hanukkah

Merry Christmas

Or simply the start of winter which means the days are getting longer again…

ENJOY!

Photo Friday: Holiday Decorating

I have been in my current home nine years now and still don’t have a set Christmas decorating plan down. Maybe I am destined to change things up every year. Overall I am pretty happy with the way things turned out this year. Except for the dining room light. I have already decided to go look at the clearance stuff after Christmas and see if I get any ideas. Here are a few of my new favorite spots this year.

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I found a bunch of red/white/green pompoms left over from another project and impulsively strung them together. Took me awhile to figure out what to do with them but turns out I love them in the dining room window. I see them every time I walk down the stairs and love the clean simplicity.

I almost left these garlands in the garage because I didn’t like them on the upstairs railing last year. But I hauled them in “just in case”. Turns out I love them on the picture frames!

My Agatha Christies all gussied up for Christmas.

I had no idea what to do with this garland (and couldn’t even remember where I had it last year) until I thought to put it above the stairwell. And I like it.

My village scene keeps growing and now has been divvied up into three different locations. These are the hodge-podge pieces and work nicely in this narrow (height wise) space.

The nativity portion in now on the bookcase in the upstairs hallway. (Nice and peaceful there for the Holy Family)

And finally our Lego village in the dining room. We added the gingerbread house at the far end this year and I wish I could live there!

One last photo. I found this sweater in the grocery store of all places!

I couldn’t pass this up, it is too perfect to wear to “The Nutcracker” ballet later this month!

Here’s to a wonderful holiday season!

Modern Love

“Is it possible for it to be the right decision and still be a mistake?”

I have been watching and enjoying the Amazon Prime series called “Modern Love” though I am a bit disappointed that some of it is fictionalized. I feel bad for the people whose stories were changed. I always wonder what exact part of their story wasn’t good enough or interesting enough or didn’t translate to thirty minutes of television.

I suppose I am living my own version of “Modern Love”. I may have mentioned a time or two how much I dislike where I am living. Have you ever wondered why I don’t move? Well, let me tell you…

The father (K) of my son (E) and I are married and we live in the same house, but we are not a couple anymore. We function as a family but we have separate bedrooms and do not do any couple activities. If not for our son there is no doubt we would have divorced long ago. But I want to do what is in my son’s best interest and I won’t lie, it is really hard to know what that is.

I feel like I should write a little bit of background but I don’t want to turn this into a rant about all the things wrong with K. First, K is not abusive or an alcoholic or hiding a gambling problem. He has a good job. He doesn’t like drama, to the extent that he acts like nothing is ever wrong. He simply ignores anything he doesn’t want to deal with. Nothing is his fault or his responsibility. He has never apologized for anything in the 14 years I have known him.

On the parenting side he has two grown children he hasn’t seen in more than ten years. One avoids him and the other is an alcoholic with mental health issues that he avoids. He also has three grandchildren he has never met. (Neither of his kids have ever married.) Enough said.

And yet I still feel like my son deserves to have both his parents in his life full time. In theory we could do that several different ways but I think this is the best situation, at least for now. (I won’t go into specifics but lets just say K is a very lazy, or maybe indifferent is more accurate, parent and I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving E with him for more than a day or two.) I know the situation isn’t ideal and worry about the messages E is getting about marriage. But we don’t fight and seldom even argue. At worst sometimes days go by without much interaction between us.

So yes, I worry all the time that I am making the right decision. If we split up would there be a big custody battle? Maybe. Maybe not, as my husband avoids confrontation at all costs. Arizona is big on paternal rights though and would I be able to take E out of state? How would my son feel if his father couldn’t be bothered to fight for him? It is a lose-lose situation for sure.

So I have decided the best option is for me to come out the loser, at least until E graduates from high school. We have had a few conversations about our somewhat unconventional family situation and as E gets older we will talk more. I don’t want him thinking this is what marriage is supposed to be like and while I wish I could be living a good example for him that just can’t happen right now.

I love my son more than anything and at the end of the day his father being around on a full-time basis seems to be the most important thing. So that is what I am going with. Modern Love.

“Is it possible for it to be the right decision and still be a mistake?” *

This is the thought I live with.

* I heard this line on the Australian television show “Heart Guy” and thought, yup, this is what I keep thinking.

October

I realized with a start that I haven’t written a post in awhile. I have been too busy living my life! Does this mean my blogging days are done? Probably not but I wouldn’t be surprised to find my blog changing again.

No flash fiction because Carrot Ranch is running contests this month. I have entered two of them so far and they don’t want us to publish our entries until late November after the winners are announced. My goal is to finish in the top ten so I can get a critique from Charli who will be practicing on the top ten for her writing class.

This month I have made it a goal to clean or de-clutter one area in my home six days a week. I am picking areas that don’t get cleaned on a regular basis so I am doing odd drawers and nooks and crannies. I have done both refrigerators and I have to say every time I look in the kitchen fridge now I feel nothing but joy. I can’t believe how many expired and almost empty condiments I had!

I am also practicing some self-care and doing a 21 day on-line retreat called “Magical Mindfulness” created by Jools Sinclair. There have been some interesting bits and I am curating a few practices that will hopefully turn long term.

Finally there was the big autumn camping trip. I did a photo Friday of it but sadly it wasn’t that great of a trip because I was sick. 😞 I had been looking forward to this trip for months and the weather was beautiful but all I wanted to do was nap! I had been sick for two weeks and thought for sure I was going to get better.

After we got back I went to the doctor and found out that I have a virus, most likely two different one’s back-to-back considering how long I have been sick. For seven days I have to eat a bland, light diet to give my gut a chance to heal and drink emergence-C everyday to help the virus go on it’s way. Hopefully all will be well by Halloween.

Time for some cleaning…or maybe a nap 🙂 .